See, draw a circle round Heathrow Airport and you hit almost all the chav hot spots in one go. There’s Slough, Windsor, Hanwell, Feltham, Isleworth, Hounslow, Hayes, West Drayton and of course, Staines. All meccas of chav with their large Council estates, second hand BMW garages, street traders selling knock-off rolexes and branches of JJB sports and Matalan aplenty. Chavshire.
I wonder what it is about Heathrow Airport that draws the chavs to this region. Perhaps its so they can be in close proximity to the airport to be able to go away for weekends in Benidorm, or perhaps it’s the pretty colours of the aeroplanes that they can marvel at from their elevated flats in tower blocks, or maybe they like the aircraft noise to drown out the sound of their own children whinging about the playstation.
Now you will see that immediately around Chavshire are a selection of nice places without too many chavs infesting them. Places like Richmond, Kingston, Esher, Kensington, Chelsea, Ascot, Harrow and oh, look at that, Maidenhead. However there are a few holes around the edges, principally at Ruislip, Greenford and Bracknell which are all pretty chavy.
So I conclude they must be escaping to the rest of the country along these routes. Again I have drawn a diagram to illustrate my point:
So in order to keep them in Chavshire what we need to do is put in some anti-chav measures at these weak points. We need to open up some National Trust parks, build some libraries and education centres and install some branches of John Lewis and Waitrose around the perimeter. Chav-repellents.
Then we open up a few new branches of Chicagos (the chav church) around Heathrow Airport and they will all go there to flee from their fear of the chav-repellents around the borders and they will stay there and we will have them nicely parcelled away and contained in Chavshire. I think it sounds like an excellent plan, perhaps I will start a petition.
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